Howdy y'all, and welcome to my new blog. The main difference between this blog and my old one (aside from the cool tropic theme) is that this one is totally free. Woohoo! College students like free things...
Hrmmmm...I could try and make small talk, but I think I'll just skip it. Class is about to start, and I just spent an hour tweaking this thing to my liking. Odds are it'll change a bit over the next few days as I'm getting settled in, but you should be able to find me here from here on out. But rather than leave you with a big empty chunk of cyberspace, here's a little something I wrote for my composition class. We had to write an "illustration essay", the format of which is one where the author uses statistics and stories to illustrate one main point. Lemme know what you think (no really...comments are nice, otherwise it's like typing into a big black hole.)
I will never forget the night, so many years ago, when I asked him if there was anything he did not like about me. That question, asked in curious naivete, unleashed a torrent of perceived flaws that has been forever etched into my mind. I stood in the dark and dank November air, listening as my boyfriend effortlessly rattled off a list that ranged from my hair to my fingernails, my height to my weight, my personal tastes to my character qualities. His tone was easy and detached, as though he were innocently stating the statistics of his favorite sports team. When he finished, I remained silent as I tried not to gasp for air - an audible sign that would surely tip him off to my tears. After a long pause, he finally turned to face me, and even in the cover of night I could see a surprised look cross his face. "Why are you crying?"
It would be years before I could formulate an articulate answer to that question. I cried that night because my boyfriend, the one who claimed to love me so dearly, viewed me as flawed and broken and less-than. I cried because he had just confirmed all my deepest fears with a casual ease that suggested he had done nothing more than state the obvious. I cried because in that moment, standing with my hand wrapped in his, I had never been more dejected and alone.
It was after ending that relationship several months later that I realized dating should never be viewed as a cure for loneliness, for it is anything but. No loneliness is more crushing than that which comes when one is in an unhealthy relationship. Yet it is out of desperation and fear of societal rejection that many people enter romantic relationships. Frantic to not be alone, many people stumble blindly into relationships with very little regard for how they will be treated by their partner, lowering their standards for what is acceptable in a partner, and conversely lowering their sense of self-worth. Perhaps if teenage girls placed a high enough value on themselves they would be willing to walk away from a dysfunctional relationship, and we would not have reports stating that one in three teenage relationships are abusive. Perhaps if young women were not so wrapped up in the idea of dating for dating's sake, simply grateful to not be alone during the holidays, we would not have statistics that report that one out of every six women has been sexually assaulted, and 72% of those women were assaulted by a date or a significant other.
It was out of fear of being left alone that a friend of mine let herself be pushed into a sexual relationship that she did not want, only to regret the decision later and discover that her boyfriend had moved on to greener pastures. The threat of being crushed by loneliness was what caused a different friend to remain in a relationship after her boyfriend left bruises across her face. When I asked her why she would allow him to treat her that way, she responded in lifeless tones that she didn't want to leave him. "Besides," she added "I deserved it."
Dating does not magically fix a person, and while few would make the direct claim that it does, one does not have to look far to discover example after example of men and women all too willing to settle for less-than in their partner simply to avoid being alone, foolishly thinking that perhaps if they find the right person their troubles will go away. But the truth is that dating does not take a girl who sees herself as flawed and make her perfect and whole. It does not take a boy who questions his own self worth and make him secure and strong. If anything, being in a relationship only brings to light that which is already inside a person, be it for better or worse. That is why when it comes to dating, the lonely need not apply.
